Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
