Me. At least after what I've been through.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
