You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
