You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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