I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I party with great urgency now.
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