two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
