Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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