i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
