i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
