have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
