he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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