piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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