mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
