he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
