I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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