my vag is so smooth its legendary
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
