I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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