im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
