I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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