do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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