Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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