You don't have asthma, your pregnant
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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