alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
