its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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