btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
