Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
