The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
