i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
