went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
