Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
