Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize