On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
