I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
