Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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