Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
