these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
