can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
