She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
