Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
