It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
