That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
