my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You dont lie about slip and slides
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
