This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
