Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
