So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
