Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
