He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
