i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
