and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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