Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
