Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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