i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
