you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
