Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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