CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My pussy is not your playground.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
