Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
