Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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