She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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