im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
