i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I believe in your delicious
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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