it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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