I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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