I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize